How to tell your story without bragging, 2
Part Two: How to avoid bragging by telling us MORE
Hi! Welcome to part two of our two-part series.
PART 1: Last week, we diagnosed the dreaded Bragging Story: what it is, and why it can really trip you up when you want to engage your listeners/readers.
PART 2: This week, we’re talking about what to DO about it. In a world where we often need to tell a story that communicates how great we are— job interviews! pitch meetings! first dates!-- how do we keep from bragging? Or maybe... how do we brag better?
This week I realized that this question of how to brag is particularly relevant for stories at work. Because so much of the time, if we’re telling stories in a work context, we’re trying to talk about something that went WELL. If we’re in a job interview, we’re trying to explain why we’d be an asset. If we’re talking to a group we manage, we want them to respect us.
We have so many reasons to say “I AM GREAT.” But if we cross the line from looking good into bragging, we lose them. We are walking this razor thin tightrope: I need to look good, but I can't be self-satisfied.
It’s a tall order. No wonder we're all so stressed out.
So you've got a story where you really won, you did something great. And you should tell it, because you are great.
So how do you hit the note of “triumphant, but relatable”?
If you caught last week’s post, you heard about what I think is missing from a braggy story: honesty, vulnerability, and acknowledgment of luck or privilege. I think what we do need is really simple.
It’s context.
I think you can share a wonderful story about wonderful news, and create real connections with your listeners, if you GIVE US ENOUGH CONTEXT around your good news, so that we know:
your struggles before the win.
what helped you win.
what this experience meant to you beyond “I AM AMAZING.”
Now, I don’t follow baseball. But in November 2016, I was at a conference in Chicago with my colleague Catherine. It was November 2nd, in fact. And all anyone would talk about was Game 7 of the World Series, which was that night, in Chicago, and whether the Chicago Cubs were about to break their 108-year dry spell to win the World Series.
We figured we might as well watch, even if we didn’t even know the rules. We watched it in a bar where everyone was very into the game. I found myself yelling at the screen even when I had no idea what was happening. And by the time that game ended, I was a lifelong Cubs fan.
When the Cubs won, Chicago exploded. Doormen were hugging each other, everyone was honking or dancing (or both). And we walked back to our hotel in basically a parade, yelling and cheering with everyone.
But here’s the thing: I definitely believe that joy was so much more intense because of that 108 year gap between World Series wins. And because we knew about it.
The idea here is to make sure we know enough about you that we feel like you’re trying to connect with us, not just expecting us to admire you. So it’s not just “We won the World Series.” Because then you’re just the Yankees, amiright?
(I googled to make that joke.)
Your struggles
We love an underdog story because we know how much loss they’ve suffered, before this eventual win. This is the basis of almost every sports movie of the last 40 years. So if your story is feeling too “I’m amazing,” try starting the story a little earlier or telling us a little more about yourself. Were you always amazing? If you can tell us (even briefly) about an earlier time that didn’t go so great, the triumph will feel more earned.
You can also be honest with us about the challenges you’ve faced. And a challenge can be internal or external. Were you fighting a regulation, or your own self-doubt?
Or for devoted Cubs fans like myself, were you fighting the Curse of the Billy Goat?
What helped you win
So what helped you overcome those challenges? Was it something you learned, a person who helped, a stroke of luck? If you add that context to your story of a win, we’ll see what led to that win — and that makes it way more relatable. No one’s an island!
What did it mean to you?
The final important piece of context to add: why are you sharing this news? What does it mean to you?
If the reason you’re sharing the news is only “I need people to just know I’m great,” then yes, actually, I’m sorry to say, you might be bragging.
But what is your story ABOUT besides “I did this great thing?”
I wonder if all of this could be boiled down to “tell us more.” Give us your vulnerability, your challenges, and your meaning-making, and you’ll tell a better story — a win, without the brag.
And then people will find out just how fantastic you are.
…
Go Cubs,
Micaela