Finding Balance in Your Stories

Marketing, magic mushrooms and the genius of "Lip Sync Battle"

I want to share my favorite storytelling framework with you. It’s dead simple and it can apply to a bunch of other things besides stories. It’s FUN, SOUL and RIGOR.

When I was a third grade teacher in the 2000’s, my teaching philosophy was all about balancing those three elements in my classroom. Then I applied the framework to my story performances and story coaching — and if I ever start a self-help empire or a cult, I’ll probably use it there, too.

Here, I’ll show you.

First, the elements.

• FUN isn’t just confetti-tossing giddiness. It’s enjoyment of all kinds, even very quiet contentment. It’s what feels satisfying or joyful.

• SOUL is really just meaning. This is things like being open about your feelings, finding the significance of an experience, or helping others think about themselves and the world on a deeper level.

• RIGOR can be the boot-camp room-inspection kind of rigor, sure, but it’s also the care you take with anything. Attention can be a form of love, after all, so rigor says yes, I took some time, I cared about this, I made an effort.

Not to get TOO philosophical, but these aren’t just discrete elements— they interconnect, and even depend on each other. Working hard (rigor) on something you love (soul) is often fun. Something enjoyable (fun) and intentional (rigor) becomes meaningful. Etc.

I would argue that Tom Holland’s performance of “Umbrella” on Lip Sync Battle is fun, soul and rigor in perfect balance. He’s practiced for days, he’s clearly having a great time, and he’s showing off for Zendaya, who he might already be in love with. (They started dating sometime after this performance, giving the clip a layer of friends-to-lovers tension that I love.)

Now, sometimes in creative work or even in life, you have two out of the three buttoned up, and you’re missing the third. It’s lopsided.

Here are my favorite examples of when something is “two out of three.”

An Old Navy Commercial has FUN and RIGOR, but no SOUL: well-executed, fun to watch, but… what does it mean, really?

The town in Footloose has SOUL and RIGOR, but no FUN: lots of spiritual meaning and hard work, but no dancing.

An afternoon on magic mushrooms has FUN and SOUL, but no RIGOR: delightful, and sometimes even revelatory, but not necessarily a lot of structure to the experience.

But when you have fun, soul AND rigor, you’re a three-legged stool. You’re engaging, meaningful, AND intentional.

You’re Tom Holland in fishnets, leaving it all onstage under the stage rain and sparks.

So, in your stories, you can use these elements like a checklist.

They don’t need to be equal, depending on what you’re trying to do. But try asking yourself:

• Do I enjoy or feel good telling this story at all? Is there something here for me to appreciate with my listener/reader? (FUN)

• Am I being honest with my listener/reader about what this experience meant to me? Am I giving them a chance to feel things with me? (SOUL)

• Does this story have shape? Have I practiced, or am I winging it and hoping for the best? Have I been intentional about the details I’m choosing? (RIGOR)

Now that I’ve laid it all out, I wonder if this whole system could make a good guideline for great friendships, too. And maybe for parenting and family relationships? And probably “designing a meaningful life” in general.

I think I just started my self-help empire.

How about you?

Can you think of a time these elements have been in balance for you— whether stories or life experiences? Is there one of them that you tend to avoid, to stay safe? What would moving toward balance look like, for you?

Have a great week!

P.S. One of my stories was on The Moth podcast last week!

You can listen to it here, or if you’d like to see me on video, it’s on The Moth’s TikTok and on Instagram Reels. The story’s called Grand Illusion. It’s about the first boy I fell for in college, and why I’m a David Copperfield fan.

And stay tuned for next Story Letter: we’ll talk about some behind the scenes of telling that story, how to deal with the critical voice, and how we can tell true stories that involve other people, without being a jerk.