Being interesting is a trap
In defense of the tiny story
Before we dive in, some news: The Story Letter Podcast is coming soon! You’ll get stories and tools for great storytelling right here on Substack, plus all the podcast places. Stay tuned.
Someone asked me recently, what do you profoundly give a shit about, in your work? And here’s what I’m on the soapbox about these days: I don’t want my clients and students and colleagues to think they have to be INTERESTING.
I know that’s kind of out there for a story editor and story coach to say, since part of what I do all the time with clients and students is help them find the interesting angle, the interesting details, etc. etc.
But we’ve been raised in an attention economy. Meaning (among other things) we tend to think that we have to earn attention, usually with a shocking, or tragic, or otherwise remarkable disclosure. And that just feels deeply unhuman to me.
Your traumatic story is not the rent you pay to get connection with the people listening to or reading your work.
If you need to share something momentous, and that feels good, that’s great. But I’ve worked with so many students and clients who thought they were “supposed to” share their Big Story (that event or identity that seems to define them, whether they want it to or not). And they were shocked to discover that telling a different, less weighted story— about a haircut, or a ballet class, or a check-engine-light— felt amazing to tell and had their listeners riveted, laughing and crying along with them.
Why does this work? Well, I think maybe we get so stuck in our own brains that the chance to hear about someone else’s everyday life feels like relief. It reminds us that other people aren’t just bit players in our drama. They have dramas of their own, and we can share them, and that makes us all feel a little more connected.
And I give a shit about storytelling as connection.
Not just performance or persuasion or demonstration of talent. So I guess I want you to know that of course, you should tell your Big Story if you want to, but your tiny story actually does ALSO matter, and not just because you can make a lovely little jewel out of it.
You are worth listening to, even if you don’t think you’re interesting.
It’s pretty badass, and human, and frankly anti-capitalist to share your experiences honestly, without worrying too hard about how attention-worthy they are. And to listen to others without using that kind of scale.
Because attention is a gift. It’s saying: yes. We both exist right now. Stuff happens to us, and it will keep happening to us, and I will listen to you talk about it.
Respectfully and enthusiastically yours,
Micaela
If you have any thoughts about being interesting, or the kind of storytelling YOU’RE thinking about right now, comment below!
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November is the month for writing fearlessly, and I'm thrilled to be co-teaching WRITING MEMOIR: TELL YOUR STORY IN 8 WEEKS with the amazing Vanessa Zoltan at Not Sorry Productions. We'll meet on Sundays online — you’ll plan in October, write like the wind in November, and by December 1 you’ll have a gloriously messy first draft of your memoir.
Challenge yourself, find your writing community, have a great time. You can find out all the details here (scroll down on the page for memoir info). I hope you’ll join us!
Amen! I’m doing a small storytelling series with people and everybody says some version of, “well, I’m not very interesting.” I tell them of course they are interesting or else I wouldn’t be asking. It’s amazing how people will open up though when you give them a little space and encouragement to share. Your whole post here is spot on. Thank you.
Thank you for this reminder to think more deeply about tiny stories— and I LOVE the snapshot you included! One of my favorite things to do at flea markets and the like is to go through stacks of old snapshots and postcards. How sweet to see the single lines of script that someone wrote to their loved one about a trip or like you shared here, the pride someone has in the simple act of baking cookies! 💚